The Town Tattler

Let them eat cake (and then throw it up again) in Los Angeles and New York, two cities bursting with fresh-faced celebutantes and sexy scenesters. The REAL juicy gossip can be found right here in a good old American suburban standby with a wealth of saucy scoops, salacious scandals, and scorching hot secrets!

November 14, 2005

The Hot Sheet

Word has it that Marissa Morgan of the Morgan family on Brightland Court was spotted this past weekend at the Shop 'N Stop across from The Library on Mayland Way, attempting to purchase a six-pack before being denied by the man behind the desk counter, Rayeed J.. Sources say that Marissa was accompanied by best friend Jamie Rye, daughter of single-mom Tanya Rye on Garden Avenue. Both are considered "total sluts" by schoolmates at Spayre County Middle School, and fled the scene in an unidentified White 2003 Ford Explorer after being refused for attempting the purchase under age. Our source also reports that Jamie was wearing "dirty pink Uggs," which we attribute to the fact that, last we heard, Tanya was employed at the Avis Rent-a-Car for about three days before resigning due to "scheduling conflicts." Hmmm, it seems this stay-at-home Mom may be more of a stay-at-home non-Mom, wouldn't you think?

Clutch your bags, ladies! It seems as if A Black Man was spotted exiting the Gourmet Bakery on Parkside Heights Boulevard with a "bag of muffins," on one of which he began nibbling before he could even leave the store! Sources say the gentlemen seemed like a "nice enough man," despite his eating habits, and that he'd be welcomed back on this side of town "any time he'd like," although said source's husband warns, "he best not bring 'em all here! There's a reason I left Queens!"

As if local freshmen don't have enough to deal with as standardized tests become increasingly challenging at Bert E. Olive High School, it seems as though "Human Anatomy 101" has been added to the curriculum! Long-time Earth Science teacher Maureen Glynn allegedly "showed some heavy nip" last week while demonstrating sedimentary rock formations for her students using an overhead projector. For approximately two minutes (although it seemed "like forever," according to an "epicly grossed out" Evan Matthews of second period), Mrs. Glynn mistakenly "let her reds go," according to a source. It was only after Glynn (of Prince Street in Northridge) realized that rock formations weren't "as amusing as [she'd] originally thought" did the humiliated teacher pick herself up, dust herself off, and rescue the parkas from her closet which she hasn't seen "since 1987." According to Ashley Wright-Kapler of eighth period, "she kinda looks like a librarian now, which is,, I guess. She's nice."

Just two weeks after Bernard Braunstein of Fowler Road was promoted to Junior Developer at Kellman & Assoc. Homes, the real estate group on Bridgewater Road, his wife Sheila was seen redeeming bottles for coins yesterday at the Key Food on Route 92. Is Sheila pinching pennies because Hubby's job doesn't pay as much as she'd expected? Or is she just "being Jewish," as our source suggests? It's not our place to say, but we won't hide the fact that, despite living 3 miles from the Stop & Shop on Mayland Way, Braunstein had traveled an extra seven miles to, perhaps, keep her coin collections under wrap. Or maybe she was just "in the neighborhood." Oy, what a dilemma!


  • At 7:56 AM, Anonymous coin collector said…

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    I have this fascination thing. Keep up the good work!
    All Blessings,coin collecting


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