The Town Tattler

Let them eat cake (and then throw it up again) in Los Angeles and New York, two cities bursting with fresh-faced celebutantes and sexy scenesters. The REAL juicy gossip can be found right here in a good old American suburban standby with a wealth of saucy scoops, salacious scandals, and scorching hot secrets!

November 15, 2005

It's Called 'Reach' For A Reason


Apparently, nobody's perfect.

Not even Mary Roethlisberger of Miller Park Way, whose loyal devotion to school, church, and the Varsity Field Hockey team at Bert E. Olive High School (where she's currently a Senior) didn't exactly secure her a spot at Cornell University, the school she'd "told everyone" would accept her without question, according to a source.

"She thinks she's, like, Miss Most Perfect Girl Ever," says the source, "but nobody actually likes her except the band teacher. Even [Vice Principal Shelley] Charmante doesn't like her" (rumor has it that Charmante is both beloved by the student body and often inebriated by the day's end).

"Plus," adds another classmate, "Mary dresses like [90's sitcom star] Blossom. And she's got a weird neck. What a dyke."

Roethlisberger was put on a Wait List by Cornell University's College of Arts and Sciences, where she'd prepared to major in Linguistics.

We hear that coming in at "second place" has Roethlisberger heavily dissapointed, although she's unsuccessfully attempted to shrug off any criticism sent her way by seething classmates. Just days after she received the letter from the University, Pre Calculus II teacher Pat Yudelson intercepted a note passed to Mary during her third period class which read, "There's always community college, douchebag!" The note's author has yet to be identified.

Mary Roethlisberger's parents, Joseph and Helen, have not yet commented to friends of the family. However, a source shared with TTT that it's only because the family "has no friends."

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