The Town Tattler

Let them eat cake (and then throw it up again) in Los Angeles and New York, two cities bursting with fresh-faced celebutantes and sexy scenesters. The REAL juicy gossip can be found right here in a good old American suburban standby with a wealth of saucy scoops, salacious scandals, and scorching hot secrets!

November 17, 2005

Who's 'Hogging' The Meat?

"That's the last time he touches my meat!" declared Roseann Pither of Wallaby Court on Tuesday, as she exited Titone Bros. Meats and Poultry on Barker Boulevard.

Pither and a vocal slew of other customers have opted to end their business relationships with Titone, as the head butcher, Luigi Titone (of Shieburg Place) comes under fire for a rumor that, as one source puts it, "he puts his hands where they don't belong."

Says one source, "Even [Town Supervisor] Chandra Cooper has stopped getting her meat there!"

Some say it was Cooper who first helped forecast the storm of controversy as the first customer to complain after finding a pubic hair kissing a half pound of freshly sliced bologna. Though she wouldn't fess up about the incident after being questioned by TTT, Cooper did manage to wince at our rehashing of the story, before tearfully retreating into the bathroom to dry heave.

"All I know," says Dennis Blanco of Morton Lake Road and lifelong customer of the butcher shop through its three generations of ownership, "is that I don't want my kids pulling curlies out of their teeth. That's sick. It's a sickness. And this is a nice neighborhood."

Luigi Titone refused to comment, choosing instead to cheerily offer TTT a sample of "fresh pickled sausage."

Upon our [stupid] acceptance, Titone quickly lifted his apron to display his bare genitals.


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