A Lie in Delilah?

Year after year, Parent/Child Recreation Night at Barnum Hill Elementary School on Barnum Hill Road has gone off without a hitch. Inside the Main Gymnasium, scooters fly every which way, basketballs soar overhead, and kids and their parents experience nothing less than a fun-filled evening, despite some minor boo-boos here and there.

However, Diane Feinstein of Market Court, claims she beared witness to an act so "despicable," so "immoral" at last week's Rec Night that she only shared it with a few select parents who volunteered alongside her behind the refreshment table: thievery.

Among all the hoopla surrounding the evening's activities, perhaps the one which the Barnum Hill students looked forward to the most was the fourth annual yearly performance by local "semi-professional competitive adult a cappella group," Cleffer Thinking:



Feinstein alleges that while parents and kids purchased, at full price and without hesitation (if not including an extra donation), the baked goods made and sold by the staff behind the fold-out tables in the Green Auditorium, there was one individual who allegedly took it upon herself to choose freely from the boxes of Munchkins, cupcakes, brownies, and Grace Macfarlane's famous s'mores cookies (which sold out in record time).

Although Delilah Peussbaum (pictured above left, in the purple shaded capped tee) did, in fact, perform with Cleffer Thinking, the rest of her group didn't think twice about paying for their baked goods, as they assumed - like the rest of us - that "just because she sang the solo in [Donna Lewis'] 'I Love You (Always Forever)' doesn't mean she could just snatch up free pretzel rods," says Feinstein. Furthermore, Feinstein added, "She sounded like a man!"

When Feinstein and several other parents approached her about what they'd seen, Peussbaum vehemently denied having stolen any goods. A parent in the group, however, then took a napkin to Peussbaum's face to wipe off a smear of strawberry frosting, before angrily throwing it on the floor and hastily marching away.

"Stay out of our town!" warned Feinstein, who insists upon doing "whatever must be done" to keep Cleffer Thinking from performing at next year's Rec Night.

As it turns out, that may not be such a difficult task after all. According to the students, it seems that perhaps Cleffer Thinking has overstayed their welcome at Barnum Hill, or their material has simply gone stale.

First grader Nathaniel Welsh considered the group to be in "poor sound [this year]," but put it best by adding that "they sang a song about Pokemon, too. Ummm has that shit not been over for, like, two years? Jesus!"

"Plus," he continued, "what's with the leather pants?"