Word has it that
Marissa Morgan of the
Morgan family on
Brightland Court was spotted this past weekend at the
Shop 'N Stop across from
The Library on
Mayland Way, attempting to purchase a six-pack before being denied by the man behind the desk counter,
Rayeed J.. Sources say that
Marissa was accompanied by best friend
Jamie Rye, daughter of single-mom
Tanya Rye on
Garden Avenue. Both are considered "total sluts" by schoolmates at
Spayre County Middle School, and fled the scene in an unidentified
White 2003 Ford Explorer after being refused for attempting the purchase under age. Our source also reports that
Jamie was wearing "dirty pink Uggs," which
we attribute to the fact that, last we heard,
Tanya was employed at the
Avis Rent-a-Car for about three days before resigning due to "scheduling conflicts." Hmmm, it seems
this stay-at-home Mom may be more of a stay-at-home
non-Mom, wouldn't you think?
Clutch your bags, ladies! It seems as if
A Black Man was spotted exiting the
Gourmet Bakery on
Parkside Heights Boulevard with a "bag of muffins," on one of which he began nibbling before he could even leave the store! Sources say the gentlemen seemed like a "nice enough man," despite his eating habits, and that he'd be welcomed back on this side of town "any time he'd like," although said source's husband warns, "he best not bring 'em all here! There's a reason I left Queens!"
As if local freshmen don't have
enough to deal with as standardized tests become increasingly challenging at
Bert E. Olive High School, it seems as though "Human Anatomy 101" has been added to the curriculum! Long-time Earth Science teacher
Maureen Glynn allegedly "showed some heavy nip" last week while demonstrating sedimentary rock formations for her students using an overhead projector. For approximately two minutes (although it seemed "like forever," according to an "epicly grossed out"
Evan Matthews of second period), Mrs. Glynn mistakenly "let her reds go," according to a source. It was only after Glynn (of
Prince Street in
Northridge) realized that rock formations weren't "as amusing as [she'd] originally thought" did the humiliated teacher pick herself up, dust herself off, and rescue the parkas from her closet which she hasn't seen "since 1987." According to
Ashley Wright-Kapler of eighth period, "she kinda looks like a librarian now, which is, like...cool, I guess. She's nice."
Just two weeks after
Bernard Braunstein of
Fowler Road was promoted to
Junior Developer at
Kellman & Assoc. Homes, the real estate group on
Bridgewater Road, his wife
Sheila was seen redeeming bottles for coins yesterday at the
Key Food on
Route 92. Is Sheila pinching pennies because Hubby's job doesn't pay as much as she'd expected? Or is she just "being Jewish," as our source suggests? It's not our place to say, but we
won't hide the fact that, despite living 3 miles from the
Stop & Shop on
Mayland Way, Braunstein had traveled an extra seven miles to, perhaps, keep her coin collections under wrap. Or maybe she was just "in the neighborhood." Oy, what a dilemma!