'Shirley' We're Not To Blame

The Town Tattler likes to spend most Sunday afternoons doing casual last-minute errands before the week brings a tidal wave of gossip and secrets to splash throughout the pages of our delicious blog. It's during these afternoons when we try to avoid anything and everything remotely associated with the stuff of which our gossip column is made.

But this past weekend, Sunday turned out to be more stressful than any other day of the week, as our car - a 1998 Volvo we consider understated yet classy - was clipped by the enormous Acura SUV of driver Shirley Buger as she pulled in next to us at the grocery store.

Buger, an 82-year-old resident of Everfall Chimes Community Homes, immediately denied having both scratched our car and having pulled in at an atrociously diagonal angle.

Playing dumb, Buger pretended to be hard of hearing, and immediately began to walk away slowly.

Luckily, The Town Tattler is young enough to realize the advantage to owning a cell phone that takes pictures, while Buger seemed to be confused as to what the device was in the first place.



By the time we had called the police to check out our car, Shirley Buger had walked approximately sixteen feet before authorities questioned her about the incident.

"I cannot hear you!" she stubbornly warbled during an attempt at a fast getaway, continuing with, "Am I in outer space? Where's my ointment? Is it just me or can anyone else smell caring?"



Despite Officer Carla Nevins considering Buger a "nice old lady," it was clear to The Town Tattler that this old bird had flown the coop.

And she'd gotten away with it, too.